Tag: loving yourself

+Size Matters: Phat Girlz

3 Comments

Growing up in the United States made me accustomed to the Westernized standard of feminine beauty: thin, tall, of fair skin and straight hair. It never once occurred to me that my body type, skin tone and even hair could be considered the epitome of beauty someplace else. That surprise came when I traveled to Jamaica, W.I. back in 2013 for a conference.

Ironically, my workshop dealt with being single and I had started by telling the women stories of my unsuccessful dating life. One of the mature ladies at one point asked why my last relationship didn’t work out and I responded by saying that the young man had a particular type and I didn’t fit it due to my weight. I followed that by explaining that the unfortunate reality is that most of the men I am/have been attracted to just aren’t interested in women that look like me. At saying that the entire group of 60 women fell silent.

Once the workshop was over I was approached by two of the ladies (who were thin, curvy and model-status beautiful) said that I should not be so hung out for not being “the perfect size 8” because on the island men preferred women that looked like me over them. I was stunned. Of course the idea that beauty standards were not the same around the world was something that had been suggested to me prior to this trip when I was  a teenager back in 2006, via a film, but I figured it was just a fantasy created for the sole purpose of giving the story of a plus size protagonist a happy ending. That film of course was Phat Girlz.
phatgirls 1 Continue reading →

Good For You?

5 Comments

I remember the first time I was publicly fat shamed. I was a 16 years old and on a class trip to the Jewish Heritage Museum in Manhattan for leadership training.  We were having lunch in the museum’s cafeteria; honestly I don’t remember if I actually ate anything since this was during the time I would skip meals with the goal of getting thin. I do remember that at one point my friend got up to get a second helping of food at which time I asked him to get me a can of soda. He came back with a can of Diet Coke, I looked at the can and then up at him in confusion. He then said, very loudly I might add, “You could stand to lose a couple of pounds.” The entire table and those next to it laughed. I left the soda right in his hand and walked away. No one stood up for me and he never apologized. He claimed that it was a joke. I wasn’t laughing.

Such occurrences only got worse once I got older. In fact,one of my mother’s oldest friends no longer greets me with a, “Hi, how have you been?,” like the average person would, but with a, “You’re fatter.”

comic of double standards with food

“Healthy” does not equal a specific physical appearance.

Continue reading →

+Size Matters : My Mad Fat Diary

2 Comments

So last spring I was focusing on my master’s exam and my 30 page paper that goes along with it. This is a choice that you can make to avoid writing a full length thesis and is supposedly easier, but really isn’t. Anyway, I started a studying regime in which I would study, study, study then rest, followed by more studying and writing. It was a pretty hectic time, yet it was during one of those “treat/rest sessions,” that I went onto Tumblr and was exposed to a show that would change everything. I follow a blogger on Tumblr, whose username is Ursula The Sea Bitch, and she had posted gifs labelled Finn and Rae. I was surprised to see a female plus-sized character actually have a romantic interest who is “conventionally attractive.” Without even knowing anything else about the show I immediately liked her post.  A couple days later she posted  another gif set that included the title, My Mad Fat Diary. Continue reading →

The Big 2 – 5 (Final Part) : Getting Over Myself

1 Comment

As of today it has been a month since I have turned 25. During the past month I have taken the time to  catch up on work I had fallen behind on as well as outline some future posts for the blog, but it also got me thinking about things that I hadn’t for a while.  Like most people I have a list of goals I had to get done with a specific (age) time-frame. I believed that by having a set deadline to meet I would be motivated to complete everything. Originally the deadline was my 21st birthday but since I was a senior in college desperately trying to keep my sanity under the pressure of having all writing intensive courses, I cut myself some slack and decided to push the deadline back to my 25th birthday. Needless to say only one thing came to be from that list and that was graduating from college on time. Continue reading →

8 Self Love Lessons My Mother Taught Me

3 Comments

Abraham Lincoln once said, ” All that I am or hope to be I owe to my mother.” This is especially true in my case as I was raised by an “old school” single mother who worked tirelessly to ensure that my brother and I had a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs and every opportunity for academic advancement. Everything I ever needed to know about believing and loving myself I learned from her. I am and forever will be grateful for her sacrifices and encouragement which is why I celebrate the woman who have raised, inspired and nurtured me by sharing some of the things she taught me about self love. I hope that this inspires anyone reading to practice self love, which contrary to popular belief, is not based on vanity or pride.

Family pictures0003

Note: Some of these lessons were not directly imparted to me by my mother but rather were learnt based on what I observed of her experience.  Continue reading →