If I had to surmise this year in a movie quote, it would have to be the fun one from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: “You’re going to suffer, but you’re going to be happy about it.”

For one I started the year in hopes of no longer working in a toxic environment. What I didn’t really account for was that I would be taking steps to do so without having something lined up…for the second time in my career.  Thankfully this time I was much more prepared than I was 5 years ago, emotionally, mentally and most importantly, financially.

As someone who grew up working class, I’ve worked hard to get myself and my immediate family out of poverty. This included taking jobs that overworked and underpaid me, where I was afraid to speak up due to fear of being let go,  as well as having to work more than one at any given time. Even as I got to a full- time position that paid more than my own mother has ever been paid annually, I’ve still had to take on additional part-time and freelance jobs to not only make ends meet, but to ensure that there would be ample funds available to for any unforeseen circumstances than may arise. I set my sights on an ambitious financial goal that honestly made me blind to the accomplishments that already surrounded me.

It’s funny to think about, yet the moment that got me realizing that I am in fact in a better place than I was prior came rather recently upon my noting the snacks I had in my kitchen. Having been homeless from the ages of 6 to 16, and briefly again at 24 (right after receiving my Masters degree mind you), snacks were never really a thing in our household. For one we didn’t have access to a kitchen and the other was due to cost. Every penny had to be accounted for so nothing was spent “frivolously.” The only times we had snacks were when we visited family friends and they would give us something to munch on during our visit.

Fast forward to 2024, and you would find me at the supermarket absent-mindedly reaching for popcorn, chips, Wheat Thins, Cheez-Its (a fav of mine), and all kinds of cookies for the cookie jars. Yup, that’s cookie jars plural. This practice actually came naturally as my own form of lifestyle creep the more I found myself saving. Sure, this kind of thing has been deemed a negative, something to be avoided at all costs, as it would normally keep one from saving money; however, for me it was a prime example that I had reached a point where I could enjoy very basic pleasures without worrying so much. Not everything had to go towards necessities, even now while being unemployed. This thought made me burst into grateful tears in my kitchen while my immigrant mother watched on,  silently rolled her eyes.

I still have a ways to go to be where I ultimately want to be, which is not crazy wealthy for the record. I’m pretty content in the fact that I have been able to get to the point where I have some disposable income that allows me to have some fun in the city I call home. Namely doing things like going to Broadway shows, concerts, dinners with friends, and the occasional splurge on a trip or two, though mostly domestic on the east coast which still counts.

As I write this, I’m still in the mist of my “unemployment era,” spending most of my days at home either in interviews or filling out applications/sending out resumes in hopes of scoring a new role somewhere that will appreciate my skills and pays well.  I’m hoping that by the end of January of this new year I’ve secured something that gets me to that next level and provides me a positive space to grow in my career.

That is not to say that my anxiety hasn’t been through the roof as I watch the funds I’ve saved steadily decrease as the weeks go by. I’ve spent decades getting to this point and the fear that there is a chance that I may have to start over from square one  has kept me from sleeping more nights than I can count, but having free time to re-evaluate in order to plan my next move, as well as getting back to writing and creating content has been a very nice change of pace after all the chaos from the last 3 years.  I keep reminding myself that this is a position I would have loved to be in just 15 short years ago and that’s something worth celebrating and a delight despite it all.

Have you ever run away from a toxic job? Are you currently on a job hunt?