I’ll be honest, once this lockdown period started I immediately stopped shopping for anything non-essential. Part of this was due to the uncertain financial situation but it also was because I wasn’t sure when I would be going out again. I went into my apartment in mid-March, during which I was still wearing turtle necks under my coat, and by the time I stated to go outside I had missed spring entirely. Not that I’m complaining too much about that because I actually got to have one spring without having to suffer through terrible allergy attacks.Anyways, being home has given me a chance to purge my closet (again) and style some old summer pieces in new ways as well as find any “style gapes” I may have. When it comes to summer fashion my closet is seriously lacking because I’m not a fan of this season (the humidity is no joke in NYC), so I don’t give summer fashion much thought beyond bathing suits which says a lot about my priorities, hahaha. Continue reading
As someone who has dealt with homeless twice before already, the very thought of unemployment has always been a major anxiety trigger for me. So I’ve become the kind of person that needs to have some sense of financial stability and control in order to hold my fears and anxiety in check. Financially, I am in a better place than how things were with my family back when I was a kid, however, like most people I know living in NYC, I still live paycheck to paycheck, which isn’t the most stress-reducing situation. Just missing one paycheck results in a financial setback that will take months to recover from.
So when I got the news in April that I was furloughed, I broke down and had one of the worst panic attacks ever. My mother, who is getting through lockdown along with me, didn’t know how to help but she tried her best to calm me down, embracing me until I stopped crying, shaking and hyperventilating. (My mother has never experienced me having a panic or anxiety attack firsthand and I know this scared her but I appreciate that this is how she chose to handle the situation in that moment because I managed to recover much faster than I would have otherwise.) I was unconsolable for days. I was angry at all those “we’re in this together” messages circulating everywhere. Yes, we’re facing the same storm that is COVID-19, BUT we’re all experiencing different journeys because we’re on different ships. Some of us aren’t even on ships at all, just doing the best with our inflatable life raft, if that.
I’m 29, turning 30 in May. Honestly, I’ve only just gotten used to being “so young with so much responsibility” and the idea that I am getting to the age in which most people have themselves more established is horrifying considering the fact that I’m still so far away from where I expected to be at this point. Added to that, I can’t help but notice that my style doesn’t exactly read as “responsible adult” or “age appropriate” at all times. I mean, what is a 30 year old even supposed to look like?
Like most people (I like to think that I’m not the only one that does this) I make grandiose goals for myself. Its not even something I do at the start of a new year as a resolution, but just in general as a way to motivate me. So I struggle whenever I don’t meet the expectations I set for myself. It is very unlikely that I will stop this habit any time soon, yet even with the challenges thrown my way and my disappointments (of which there were MANY in 2019), I took the time to celebrate the small victories I had in the decade that was my twenties.
Given my history with anxiety, depression and suicidal idealization (all of which are topics that I hope to cover on here soon), I never expected to even make it to my current age, let alone enter another decade of life. And that’s what makes 2020 and turning thirty so frightening to me.
Even so, I have a whole new set of goals in mind for this year and the rest of this new decade. I figure sharing some of them will help keep me honest and maybe motivate anyone that may be starting the year off on a bit of a low point to look at what comes next as chance for self-growth and greater adventures. Continue reading
Once I heard that the the third annual Su-Style Expo, the premier plus size event for Latinas, would be happening on May 4th, literally the day after my birthday, I took this to be a sign that it was finally time for me to go to Puerto Rico. My mother spent over 4 years there working on her BS in Biology before immigrating to the US and so I grew up listening to my mother call Puerto Rico as her “Segunda Patria” (Translation: Second homeland). Having heard her stories and seen pictures of her adventures there, I dreamed about the day that I would be able to travel to “La Isla del Encanto” myself.
My mother’s birthday is a week before mine and she hasn’t been back since she left in 1987 so I figured that a mother-daughter trip would also be a great birthday present for her. (And by extension, Mother’s Day present too because that was a week after our trip and I was pretty broke after this, hahaha!) So I bought our tickets, booked the hotel and told her to pack her bags. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so excited.
I had originally planned to do a full-fledged travel vlog complete with a pina colada counter (because there were many, I mean it is Puerto Rico after all), but alas I was having a bit too much fun to take video too seriously. However I still wanted to share a bit about our trip so check it out below!
Day 1 – Travel Day
My mother and I haven’t been on a plane together since 2007 when we flew down to Panama as a family for my great-grandmother’s funeral so it was a nice change of pace to be traveling someplace for fun rather than obligation. The entire time in the airport I caught my mother looking around the airport muttering, “No puedo creer que vamos a Puerto Rico!” (Translation: I can’t believe we’re going to Puerto Rico!)
Even with all the excitement, our first day on the island just consisted of picking up our rental car and settling into our hotel. My mother had to cram three days of work into two in order to get the rest of the week off so she was pretty beat by the time we got to the airport and I had actually stayed up the night before repacking my suitcase for the fourth time so we were pretty tired to do any of the things that I had on the agenda for the day besides getting something to eat. Continue reading