When in Doubt, Wear Black

In the last two weeks I had the pleasure of getting to reconnect with two best friends after spending so much time apart and with limited communication due to our crazy schedules. One week apart and in two different cities, I had the best time catching up with them, reminiscing over past adventures and of course, making new memories.

Yet even still, both of them at one point asked me the exact same question that caught me off-guard and left me nervously chuckling as I changed the subject :

“Are you still blogging?”

You need only scroll down a bit to see that the last post I wrote and shared here was back in April.  Truth is at the time I was knee-deep in work for multiple projects and only just getting my footing at my new full-time role that I had started barely 3-weeks before I wrote that post on sustainability and plus size fashion.

I told myself that once those projects were done and I felt better situated in my new role, I would get back to work on my stuff, however, once that time came (which was in early June) I found myself uninspired to doing much of anything.  I was burnt out.

Even while suffering through creative burnout I did manage to get some ideas down but whenever I would try to execute them I didn’t get very far. I did the bare minimum to at least get some kind of content out into the world so that the algorithm didn’t totally ruin my standing on my social platforms.  (Not that it helped much if I’m honest.) It was in one of those moments of “must at least create basic content” that I found myself making a short 12-second TikTok video about the limited amount of in-person opportunities to shop plus size at the Mall of America during a business trip to Minneapolis.

I didn’t expect that video to go viral the way it did and the discussion that came in the comments section in the weeks that followed provided the spark that made me realize that I needed to start looking at things differently if I hoped to return to blogging. Turns out sometimes you just need a break (even an unplanned one) to remind you why you started in the first place and how far you’ve come – both as a plus size fashion creative and as a person still going through a body positive journey.

I was 20 years old when I first found the body positive movement online via blogs and did a deep dive into social media to learn more.

I was 21 when I learned about Torrid and bought my first pair of shorts in over a decade.

I was 23 when I bought my first fatkini for a trip Jamaica, only to chicken out and pack my trusty frumpy one piece instead.

I was 24 when I wrote a paper on Target and plus size fashion in grad school that inevitably lead to me starting blog as I truly began to experiment with my personal style after graduation.

I was 25 when I decided to cut my over-the-waist length hair, that I would always use to cover my face, into an inverted bob with bright fire red streaks.

I was 26 when I finally got my hands on the faux leather moto jacket of my dreams that fit me (and my budget).

I was 27 when I purchased my first crop top and wore it out with high waist jeans I thought I couldn’t wear due to my lack of an hour glass body. I also finally wore the aforementioned fatkini for a small beach party with my new plus sized friends.

I was 28 when I started to introduce more of the goth/alternative aesthetic I love into my wardrobe. And I started to play with makeup more than ever.

I was 29 when I decided to highlight more of my nerdiness and love of metal music instead of downplaying it.

I was 30 when I bought this this wide leg, tie top jumpsuit as soon as it dropped on the Foxblood website and styled it (but never wore it out other than for a walk in the courtyard behind my apartment complex to take photos ).

I was 31 when I stopped straightening my hair completely and started to take my hair routine more seriously than before, leading to the reversal of more than 6 years of damage.

Now 32, with short hair once again,  I’m a far cry from who I was 12 year ago, much like the state of plus size fashion. It’s not perfect of course, as whenever the fashion industry has taken 2 steps forward, it has also taken about 5 steps back  and down a spiral staircase to no-where. Old Navy’s short lived size inclusivity campaign – need I say more?

It may be the (May) Taurus in me, but operating out of spite has definitely helped. There were quite a few turning heads from people that probably share in the fatphobic sentiments that continue to pop up in my comments section of the aforementioned viral video, but I found myself just smiling under my mask knowing that I was comfortable and looking good while out with my friend. As well as the fact that by merely walking around like this I’m helping shatter social expectations for what a person of my size and body type “should” wear. It’s but a small ripple in the pond but it still makes a difference.

For the record I’m not saying that styling and wearing an outfits out again has solved the problem of burn out and anxiety. Far from it, wearing this out got me thinking about how much I’ve been holding myself back for no other reason than fear (even after breaking free from a situation last year that was the major culprit for my depression and anxiety over the last 3 years).  Yet it’s nice to know that there are steps I can take to make these feelings temporary. For now just know that I’m back and hope to be better.

~Get the look~

Summer Nights Tie Top Jumpsuit (2XL) | Foxblood*
Sam & Libby Adelia Footbed Sandals | Walmart (similar here)
Milakoo Grommet  Leather Belt  | Amazon

Have you been feeling burnt out lately too? And if you have, how have you been dealing with it?

*Style note: This jumpsuit is 2 years old now and sold out, but if you like the style I recommend following Foxblood on social media as many of their designs from their signature collection usually come back in stock. 

6 thoughts on “When in Doubt, Wear Black

    • Marlena says:

      Same here. Black was always seen as a depressing/sad color by my family, though mostly my mother, but I find it to be quite powerful. Also you can’t beat how great it looks. 😉


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